Bryun Lemon
[Note: Due to this being almost three decades ago, a lot of the dialogue is paraphrased.]
Today we’re going to take a trip back to the mid 80’s. My brother and I were playing with some neighbors, the Moore brothers. During the course of our playing, the conversation somehow veered to Santa Claus and a pivotal life moment in my childhood started something like this:
Lemon: We’re so excited for Christmas! Santa’s gonna bring me He-Mans!
Moore: Santa? Ha ha ha ha ha haaaa!
Lemon: What’s so funny about that?
Moore: You think Santa’s coming? Ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaa!
Lemon: You’re just stupid! I know Santa’s real ’cause my mom said she saw him before!
Moore: Ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaa!
Lemon: Yeah, and he’s at the mall every year too!
Moore: Ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaa!
Lemon: Shut up! Maybe you’re just mad ’cause you’re on the naughty list!
Moore: Ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaa! Hey, bro, I’m on the naughty list!
More Moore: Ha ha ha ha ha ha haaa!
Lemons: [Punches, shoving, insults, dirt kicking]
Fast forward thirty minutes. My brother and I go home to fine mom waiting at the door. She’s already heard everything from Mama Moore.
“Boys, what happened?” she asked, already knowing the answer and barely holding back a laugh.
“The Moores were saying Santa was fake and they were laughing at us because we told them he was real!”
[Awkward pause]
“Boys, we need to talk…”
My subsequent apology to the Moore boys took longer than my readjusting to the new reality I’d been given. There was no sadness. There was no resentment at the lifelong falsehood. Aside from the forced apology, there was relief – wonderful, liberating relief. I had just learned that I no longer had to worry about staying off of some guy’s naughty list to get Christmas goodies, and that alone was worth the whole ordeal!